Saturday, November 28, 2009

Weekend Sports Edition: Tiger Woods (with big time apologies to Jimmy Soul)

Ok. I am tired. I have had way too much to drink. I just read that Tiger Woods' injuries were caused by his wife. For some reason, the following song came to mind which Woods should have listened to 100 times before walking down the aisle:


If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[Jimmy & Backup:]
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[Jimmy:]
A pretty woman makes her husband look small.
And very often causes his downfall. (Hey!)
As soon as he marries her, then she starts,
To do the things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life.
An ug-a-ly woman cooks your meals on time,
An she'll always give you peace of mind.

[Jimmy & Backup:]
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[Instrumental break with vocalizations.]

[Jimmy:]
Don't let your friends say you have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway. (Hey!)
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match,
Take it from me, she's a better catch.

[Jimmy & Backup:]
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/7fGj ]
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[Man #1:] Say, man.
[Man #2:] Say, baby.
[Man #1:] I saw your wife the other day.
[Man #2:] Yeah?
[Man #1:] Yeah, and she's UGLEEE!
[Man #2:] Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby.
[Man #1:] Yeah, alright.

[Jimmy & Backup:]
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[Jimmy & (Backup):]
(If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(Never make a pretty woman your wife.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah yeah-yeah.
(So from my personal point of view,)
(Get an ugly girl to marry you.)

(If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(Never make a pretty woman your wife.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(So from my personal point of view,)
(Get an ugly girl to marry you.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Fade.]
(If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(Never make a pretty woman your wife.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(So from my personal point of view...)

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